Kikimars's Blog

My Vote…

kikimars — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 13:24:03 +0000

…goes for a one Ms. Harper Emily Mars.

~TW~

Started

kikimars — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:37:38 +0000

July 26th we started

Reston Anthony, Nickolas Kinsey, Harper Rilan, Ainsley River

~K~

I have sperm!!

kikimars — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 18:15:51 +0000

So after a discussion with a friend we have the paper for the swimmers club signed and ready to go! I would love to start as soon as we can

and ps only one of us is worried about the ugly baby lol, Baby Mars will be beautiful no matter what!

Ugly Babies

kikimars — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 12:08:16 +0000

So, while I was working last night I asked a friend of mine there whether she worried about her kids being ugly when she was pregnant. She said no. I said that I was worried my baby was gonna be ugly or have a hair lip and I wasn’t gonna love it the same as I would a cute baby. She told me that I maybe shouldn’t have kids then. Come on. Moms have to worry about this kinda thing!? Right??

Yep.

kikimars — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 12:45:12 +0000

Recently I have been thinking about kids A LOT. Obviously, right? Anyhow, every once in a while I think maybe I’d rather not have kids. I constantly crave more time with K and feel like I don’t get enough as is. Then add in a baby. I’ll feel like she never has time for me.

It sounds selfish, I know. Hell, it doesn’t even just sound selfish, it just plain is! I want her all to myself with no one to interrupt. I have many a thought of whisking her away to a place where no one knows us and refusing to allow either of us to make friends! At these times I ponder what it would be like to just never have kids and spend the rest of our lives traveling about and being together without having to worry about diaper bags or strollers or whether or not they are gonna be entertained by what we’re doing. Who wouldn’t want a carefree existence? One that revolved solely around your spouse and yourself?

Then I think about how happy K looks with a baby in her arms and how much she would love to be a mom. How great a mom she would be. Even how I would hopefully be a good mom too. How I wouldn’t mind having a baby around. Specifically one of the male persuasion. Then I think about what our life would be like then. With the 2.5 kiddies and all the random pets I’m sure we shall acquire and our HOME.

Then I panic. I panic because in that moment I picture K at home with the babies while I am slaving away at this job. The one that makes me feel like I sold my soul for money. The job that I fear I will still be doing when I’m fifty years old because it was just to easy to take the money. The money that makes it to easy to just ignore true dreams you will never get anything (read: money) from.

Basically, I think I’m having a mini mid life crisis because I am freaking out about all of it. What usually stops this is that K tells me we can just handle things as they come. You can’t deal with everything all at once. This keeps me from being scared about having kids, but I still have that little selfish issue to get over I suppose.

I, honestly, think it is mainly a fear that her and I won’t be the same pair we are now. As a couple we are amazing together. We rarely argue seriously, we completely understand each other’s quirks, and even after five years we still adore each other. What if a baby changes this somehow? It’s not really that uncommon if you think about it.

To get specific we could discuss Jon and Kate. (Yes, they are talked about too much already, but think about this.) They had to of loved eachother dearly and been a great pair before the kids, right? How soon was it before it became a dictatorship rather then a companionship? Everything I have ever seen them do she just railroads him and takes over. With, what seems, not a thought to her husband. Her partner. Her mate. Her other half. Her soul mate. Her whatever. What if one of us becomes the dictator? Now, I know they have far more children then we plan to, but the thought process is the same whether you have one or twenty.

I don’t want anything to ever change between her and I. Nor do I want to wind up as the couple that stays together long after they have grown to hate each other from all the changes simply because they have children together. Then eventually wind up hurting one another…

I’m sure most everyone will consider me merely a worry wart after this post, but I can’t help it. These are the things that freak me out about gaining these new members of our family. Plus, as anyone who knows me can verify I’m not exactly a fan of change. In a dream world everything would always stay the same. Haha.

So, basically I assume everything will change between us and even if it doesn’t I’ll be stuck in this job forever to support our growing family. This is definitely mid life crisis material, eh?

~TW~

So…

kikimars — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 18:40:33 +0000

The Dr won’t sign the papers for the swimmer’s club and I’m not all that happy about this.

I also found a new candidate on FSD and have emailed him, hopefully he will work out?

That’s all for now

~K~

The Wife

kikimars — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 21:50:32 +0000

So, here I am. This is the first post by K’s other half. I’m extremely excited about this whole thing, but I do have my fears. They are all things that can’t exactly be dealt with until they arise, but they still pester my thoughts every time we discuss Baby Mars. I’m happy that Dr. N has decided to sign our waver for The Swimmer’s Club. I have high hopes for that. It is probably my most prefered way due to REALLY not wanting anyone involved in any way other then her and I.

I get what she says about having Uncles that no one knows about except us. However, how do we explain these “Uncles” to the people who have been in our lives for quite some time? Do we just say they are new friends we somehow met and then a short time later we have a Baby Mars on the way? I think that immediately takes away from the secrecy factor. They will all know. Sounds paranoid I know. Haha. I’d rather have it completely anonymous then have someone who comes around a few times a year to question how we are raising Baby Mars.

Well, she is home so I am going to spend time with her. I will post again later. You will hear more from me.

~TW~

Last

kikimars — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 20:51:18 +0000

I had a pepsi with lunch today and I am going to try and have no more pop. I have about a pack of ciggarette’s left so I am going to finish them and be done. Hopefully both of these things are true and I will have everything out of my system before becoming preggo!

~K~

Release form

kikimars — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 18:36:19 +0000

The paper has been faxed to Dr. N for her release

~K~

A different approach

kikimars — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 18:19:10 +0000

I have finally found the website of the at home delivery sperm bank*. I will not be using the name of the clinic and will hence forth call it the swimmers club . Not really original I know but that’s OK with me. I am contacted my doctors office today to get all of the paperwork filed with the swimmers club, and hopefully in the next two months we can begin actively trying. This month is out because of course I am already almost done .

~K~